We’re working on more content to help you take action for others after baby loss. For now, we’ve got some guidance on how to build better conversation skills around mental health. New ideas and tools will be added soon, so subscribe to our newsletter for the latest updates.

Have a conversation

You might be going through a tough time yourself. But sometimes, one of the best ways to get through it is to show up for someone else. That doesn’t mean putting on a brave face and it doesn’t mean you have to talk about your own experience.

Maybe you decide to start a conversation that’s unrelated to baby loss. You might have noticed someone’s not been their normal self, or perhaps a mutual fiend said something about them in passing.

But starting a conversation about baby loss can be as simple as reaching out so someone. Maybe a mate or colleague went through this before and you didn’t know what to say at the time. The buttons for WhatsApp and email at the bottom of this page make reaching out quick and easy.

The ALEC model, set out below, was developed by the charity Movember and is designed to help people have better conversations. The idea is simple: Ask. Listen. Encourage action. Check in.

Ask how they’re doing

Don’t overthink it. Try something like, “What’s it been like for you this week?” or “I was thinking about you. How are you holding up?”

Try and do it in person. But you don’t need to deliver a speech, or some magic insight. This is you taking the lead to get the ball rolling.

Listen without jumping in

Give them space to speak. Nod along, reflect something they’ve said back to them, or ask short follow-up questions. These are all active listening skills. The goal isn’t necessarily to fix anything, just to make room for them to open up.

Encourage action where it makes sense

This could be as simple as mentioning something that helped you. For example, “I found writing stuff down helped me clear my head.” It’s not advice, just an opinion about your own experience. Sometimes showing some determination to help can be useful, like you making the arrangements to go for a walk with them.

Check in again

This part matters. A quick follow-up text shows the conversation wasn’t just a one-off. Men can tend to deflect, but if you persist you can be a steady presence for someone when they need it. This can make a big difference to helping them overcome challenges.